For me, finding new friends has been a lot like dating in that, I don’t seem to have much luck and it’s been a tiring, sad process. I have had more anxiety over my lack of friends than I ever had over the absence of a boyfriend.
I’ve intentionally and unintentionally isolated myself in many ways. I live alone, outside of the city, I work in an office full of men, and I don’t like to go out drinking all the time 1: because I hate being hung-over now and 2: because I don’t like spending very much money on bars/restaurants. So, I’m not exactly putting myself in positions to meet a lot of new people but I’m not really sure what else I could be doing.
I thought, and still hold out a lot of hope, that grad school would be a great place to meet some like-minded girls who would want to be friends and hang out outside of class but, so far, I’ve made a few in-school friends and none outside. I’ve thought about asking a couple girls if maybe they’d be interested in getting dinner or something but I haven’t for a couple reasons:
1: Almost all of the girls I’ve connected with are married with kids. I worry we’re in different places in life, have some different priorities (I don’t have a family to worry about) and they won’t have time to start a new friendship with someone who is single without child. I say this because it’s happened to me a lot; marrieds with child, don’t want to make friends with unmarrieds without child. It’s one thing to be friends with someone pre-husband, pre-kids, but to meet someone with these things already, it’s almost like a club I can’t be a member of without a husband and kid. That’s been my experience, anyway. This is getting trickier because I’ll be 30 next year and it seems like most girls are married, and if they don’t have kids, they willsoon. And if they don’t have a husband, they’re only interested in finding one and less interested in making new friends.
2: I actually don’t really know how to ask someone I don’t know well to hang out. I know that sounds weird but how the heck do you do this without sounding like a total creeper?
I hope as grad school progresses, the tides will turn and the friends will come. Fingers crossed. You know how some people say, “I’m not here to make friends?” Well, I am here to make friends (and learn, of course).
So, I went on meet-up.com to try and find a couple groups I might be interested in joining with girls my age and, so far, the only group I requested an invite to, (I think) rejected me. How sad is that? They didn’t even meet me first! It’s a 30’s group and I’m 29, so maybe that’s why but, I’m sorry, I have no interest in joining a “20s group” because I have this feeling it’s going to be inundated with either, those still living like they're in college, binge drinkers, drama, and the girls desperate for some male attention (not that that doesn’t exist in every age group). I want to hang out with girls who are a little more grounded and calmer.
I’m in a weird spot. I’ve been in a weird spot since college, from a social perspective. I don’t need a ton of friends. I have some friends (one good friend, in particular) so it’s not like I’m completely isolated but I guess I just need to feel more connected – a lot more. In addition to what I already have, I’d really love one or two great friends that are interested in a deep, meaningful connection, who are down to earth, close-by, mature, and not like, ya know, going to stab be in the back and/or randomly stop talking to me for no apparent reason.
I’m a nice person. I’m ridiculously loyal, a good listener, funny, upbeat (usually), pretty sane (for the most part) and genuine. I never thought it would be this difficult to make friends and it can be incredibly lonely sometimes. There’s been this huge void in my life for years and I’d really like for it to not be there anymore.
How do people make friends in their LATE 20’s outside of a bar/club scene? I’m all ears.